From the desk of Jesus

I never meant to hurt your heart.
I never wanted to be apart.
But God called one day, and said "It's time".
I eagerly replied, "Your will be done O Lord, not mine".
Life was great, just not the same.
Since Jesus spoke and called my name.
To mould me, and shape me, to be my best.
He allowed me to go through those character-building tests.
God sat besides me, and wept at every trial.
Holding my hand, He carried me from stringent to mild.
Then Jesus carefully explained His plan.
For me to help Him watch my family and friends.
So, although I may not be with you, I'm near when you call my name.
In your mind, I'd appear.
I'd be watching from a cloud and waiting patiently.
Keeping you safe til God calls you to join me.

Scribbling from the desk of Jesus.

Thought of you, Ron when I read the above cos it's what you would say.

Six months

Six months today, Ron. How fast time flies. Still can't believe you're gone. I'm sure you know what I'm going through these days. Things has been so hard for me; at work, at home. Today we said goodbye to my grandma, I'm sure you already know this. Please keep an eye on her in heaven and guide her to my grandpa. I'm sure you know I felt so bad when I saw her, lying 'asleep' cos I didnt make the effort to see her when I had the chance to do so. Seeing her lying 'asleep', made me remember seeing you for the very last time 6-months ago. Still can't believe I didn't have the chance; you were my 'could've been'.

Trying hard to take every day as it comes. Trying to hold on when I'm losing grip. Wish I can see your smile & for you to tell me that everything will be alright in your mischief tone. Please calm me, take all the anger, pain and tiredness and make everything better for me. Visit me in my dreams, Ron. Talk to me. Tell me what God would.

My new year!

Today is my big bday; my bday!
It was a quiet one this year compared with the previous ones. I stayed home (since it's a holiday) read my books (to prepare for my classes), watched a bit reality TV and had a nice long nap. It could be old age that I'm so subdued. But it was a nice day indeed; very relaxing. Something I definately needed after all the craziness that is work.

I'm looking forward to a wonderful year ahead with some great surprises this year. God if you are listening you are going to make good things happen for me this bday year cos you know I deserve it so much. I'm going to take heart and trust in You!

V-day!

So Valentine's day here...I've never been someone who celebrates Valentine's cos' it's so commercialised. Do people really need just one day of the year to tell another person they love them. Can't you love them unconditionally everyday and tell them everyday that you love them?
Do you just need a day in a year to do that?

I remember Paulo Coelho (my fave author) words: Cowards are incapable of expressing love; it is the prerogative of the brave.

Paradigm Shift: Is it possible?

I was thinking about paradigm shift the other day. Being able to see things from another point of view can make such a difference in our attitude towards others in our life.

The following is an anecdote from the Reader's Digest. This is a classic example of a paradigm shift.

A friend of mine, returning to South Africa from a long stay in Europe, found herself with some time to spare at London's Heathrow Airport. Buying a cup of coffee and a small package of cookies, she staggered, laden with luggage, to an unoccupied table. She was reading the morning paper when she became aware of someone rustling at her table. From behind her paper, she was flabbergasted to see a neatly dressed young man helping himself to her cookies. She did not want to make a scene, so she leaned across and took a cookie herself. A minute or so passed. More rustling. He was helping himself to another cookie.

By the time they were down to the last cookie in the package, she was very angry but still could not bring herself to say anything. Then the young man broke the cookie in two, pushed half across to her, and ate the other half and left.

Some time later, when the public-address system called for her to present her ticket, she was still fuming. Imagine her embarrassment when she opened her handbag and was confronted by her package of cookie. She was eating his package of cookie this whole time.

Often our paradigm of others are incomplete, inaccurate or completely messed up. From our limited point of view, we seldom see the whole picture or have all the facts with us.

We should always open our minds and hearts to new information, ideas and point of views.

It is obvious that if we want to make big changes in our lives, the key is to change our paradigm or the glasses through which we see the world. Change the lens and everything else follows.

Gandhi once said 'Be the change you want to see in others'.

Lost and insecure, you found me.

I found God
On the corner of first and Amistad
Where the west was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said 'where you been?' He said 'ask anything' (so I asked God)
'Where were you'?
When everything was falling apart
All my days were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
That never came
To the corner of first and Amistad

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

In the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not, who I want to be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

Early morning, city breaks
I've been calling for year and years amd years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never send me no letters
You got some kind of nerve, taking all I want

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Where were you, where were you

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

Why'd you have to wait?
To find me, To find me

I love this song to bits...it expresses my feelings completely.

Calvin & Hobbes on death.

Calvin and Hobbes has been my favourite comic strip of all time. This comic strip pretty much sums up what being a kid is like. Constantly feeling out of sync with the rest of the world, and thus retreating to the world you create for yourself in your mind. Sometimes I feel the same way as Calvin does, so it is easy for me to relate to Calvin and the interesting life he leads. For a boy who has mischief on his mind all the time (without actually realising it), it's nice to see him having a heart and being emotional when losing something he loves.

Calvin and Hobbes in the comic strips above sums up what it feels like losing someone you cared about.

Thinking of you, Ron. Missing your mischief smile.

Aristotle

Aristotle once said 'Anyone can become angry' - that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - this is not easy. It is really hard to be angry if you think of it. It actually takes purposeful effort to be angry with someone.